One of my very first Pay It Forward clients had, in her big vision/version of her healthiest and happiest Self, "feeling respected by her 4 sons and her husband". Her boys were all under 8 years old and she had chosen to homeschool them. I have a handful of kids and have been around a houseful of boys and felt massive appreciation for how she desired to show up well for her kids.
As we navigated "her world", zooming in and out to explore priorities and brainstorm potential intentions to move the needle in the desired directions, we landed with her first week's intention to simply be "two cups of tea". For many, adding 2 cups of tea to your "to do" list may not seem like much, but for this woman, honoring her need to pause was a massive step toward caring for herself.
I often remind momma's that taking care of ourselves isn't just so we can take care of others. Taking care of ourselves is our responsibility. Our health is our job.
As weeks and sessions went by, she moved around her map, came to know it more intimately and experienced more of who she aspired to be. At some point, I inquired about her "tea drinking" and her reply still generates joy in my heart.
Me: "Still pausing for a cup of tea?
Her: "Oh, girl, I have tea everyday! If the boys come asking for something during my tea time, they notice and say 'momma's having her tea' and they come back a few moments later."
Me: "Whhhhaaaatttt? Wait - DO YOU FEEL RESPECTED?"
That was part of the "big picture" and she hadn't noticed that yes, she did. Often, we have a lot of what we want, but focus on the gaps. Don't get me wrong, giving attention to the gaps are important so that we can fill them, but please pause, have your tea and notice what awesome parts of your world are being experienced.
The most incredible, hard, beautiful, exhausting, life-giving, depleting, refining, rewarding, and never ending opportunity to Love well.
While this was taken 10 years ago and everyone is taller than me now, it is still one of my favorite pictures.
I hope you find gratitude today (and everyday) for being given this gift...this precious opportunity to experience Love so unconditionally; as a giver and receiver.
Yes, it's hard, exhausting and refining in ways I would NEVER have asked for; I am so very thankful for all that they still teach me. When they're little itty bitties and you are the absolute favorite on the planet, it's physically demanding in ways you couldn't have prepared for. When they're growing up, preparing to leave you, it's emotionally challenging in ways that stretch you more...that "ring of fire" experienced in childbirth, that refining fire that is part of pushing new life into the world.
Onward, Momma - whatever stage you're in; embrace it...so much easier than resisting it. Lean in, learn and allow yourSelf to become who YOU are designed to be in this role (and beyond). You got this...and I hope you can celebrate yourself today and everyday!
Presently, where am I?
Presently, what do I see?
In THIS moment, what is needed?
Do I need to move? Talk? Eat? Water? Touch? Solitude and quiet? Sleep and rest? Entertainment and laughter? Lightness and ease or depth and meaningful conversation (with my God, myself, or another)?
Often, I ask myself these questions to support myself in my daily living. As answers come, intuitively, I move toward them with curiousity...tell me more...show me how...
When I was a child, I counted on others to meet my needs, to show me what they are and how to meet them. My needs are my responsibility; I am a grown up and I desire to equip my kids with that skill. I have to walk my talk, model the behavior, be an example to others. Hear me, we are not an island and not meant to be alone...we need to cultivate healthy relationships that support those needs.
I choose to notice where I am...I choose in THIS moment...and again the next...to return to the now, the present truth of what IS. As the waves of e-motion come that would take me too far forward or back, I notice them, let them be what they are, just a wave that passes. Where are my feet now? Still here.
It's messy these days. Life.
When the storms came in 2020, our respective worlds were shaken. What was a tidy-ish terrain that I was navigating, discovering, and shaping to fit my desires and current construct for the needs of the season I found myself in, in a flash, there were "trees down", bridges washed out and what were easily navigated paths connecting parts of "my world", now muddied and unclear.
The isolation, shifting to online learning for my teenagers, racial reckoning, the political climate, the collective grief regarding the loss of so much and so many in the pandemic...not to mention the adaptive processes to safely navigate our livelihoods, pivoting so we can continue to serve our people...it is A LOT...a lot of work...and a LOT of perspective checking, processing, and receiving Grace for the moments we're in.
We are in the thick of it still and YET, at the end of the day...take off those boots; put your feet up and breath deep; grateful that you can. A season will come when you can relish some barefoot moments, slippers and flip flops, but for now...we are called to work. Lace up those boots; you're stronger than you realize and "your world" needs your participation in not only surviving this challenging 2020-2021, it needs your attention to forging new paths, bridges, clearing the debris to shift and shape the terrain anew. This storm is still here...and you can solidly plant your feet to keep discovering, keep learning how you co-create the space you are LIVING on/in. Onward, Momma...
There is work to be done.
In a recent Facebook Video, I shared some imagery that has been "on loop" for me.
When I labor, it's an intimate, powerful experience with my baby, my body, and my God. I recall laboring with my 3rd baby through the night of my daughter's 13th birthday. I drove a van full of teens to the bowling alley and a friend retrieved them so I could participate in laboring.
My then teenage children invited friends to the birth and at after finishing a contraction, deep in my "zone", I raised my head to assess the room...who's here? everyone okay? we're all good?
At the end of my bed there were four 15 and 16 year old boys. When I saw them, I simply put my head back down and opted not to try connect with them...but rather return to where I could "do my work well".
The point of this share is to say that in this pandemic, I have respected my Land of Lisa (where I can engage well with my responsibilities and my people) and while periodically raising my head to view the changes taking place in the world, to stay informed, learn about what's going on and to make best choices for my work, myself, and my tribe.
...and yet respecting my need to "do my work well"; I return to "my world", my contraction where I can participate.
Maybe this imagery is helpful for you too...I'm interested in your thoughts.
I've said that I hung my cape up long ago...yet as I've learned to "live in the Land of Lisa", on my healthiest "map" **, I have moments that I observe as pretty darn super! Don't get me wrong, I cross those healthy boundaries and have moments that are less than stellar, but those are less frequent since discovering (and staying tethered to) ME at my healthiest. When I miss the mark, I learn and grow deeper into what is true for and in me.
My children have been my greatest teachers and as the years have gone by, I am more and more grateful for the lessons (and heartbreaking moments) they have provided...they have refined and shaped me.
For me, SuperMOM isn't doing ALL the things ALL the time. Rather, it's recognizing that I do some things right...I have intention for the greatest good and my attempts to right some wrongs in the world is a valuable contribution. Nobody expects the movie hero's to wear their capes all day and night. When people would call me "super mom", I would reject the name in an attempt to let their feeling of being less than super be normalized. I denied the cape...yet...I am super sometimes...and so are you!
My dear father in law once told me that if he had the opportunity to do it (parenting) all over again, he would just make different mistakes. Freedom, yes? We're doing what we can with what we've been given.
I beg you to please see your skills, notice what you do RIGHT and connect to your intentions. We miss so many of the moments that could increase our confidence and competence to act from our innate wisdom because we are distracted by what's wrong, what threats need to be addressed (often before they are a reality), and what gaps need to be filled. Centering in our wisdom can be as simple as a 1 minute meditation, deep breathing, a walk, or a talk with a friend...please see yourself as SUPER MOM. Not that you are perfect, but that you are someone's hero.
Each week, for now, I'm doing live calls on Fridays and one of the emphasis is regarding the physiological changes that happen when we are perceiving threat. We MUST tether to what is RIGHT, in us and "our worlds". Do, please, look in a mirror, see what is healthy in you...nourish her...and glimpse the moments that her cape can be seen.
Very here for you.
Happy Mothers Day!
**to learn how to create your "map", listen to the free session recording. Once your brain has imagery to operate from, you increase the amount of decisions congruent to that vision.
The current events have been overwhelming for many. I am receiving coaching each week for my own well-being because I am, like you, also experiencing the stress of this odd story we're witnessing.
For the time being, I'm committed to making myself available each Friday at 12:30 PM EST for a FREE Coaching session using ZOOM.
Click this link: Zoom Meeting
Or log in using:
Meeting ID: 882 892 104
If you missed the call from last month when our COVID-19 storm was really getting underway, the recording can be found on my website HERE.
Please join me on Fridays and invite a friend who could also use the support. I will share some self-coaching techniques, some tips, and will leave time to open the conversation for some actual coaching if anyone is willing to share their challenge. Our success in navigating this rapidly changing season we're in requires our resilience. I'm here to support yours!
I look forward to sharing moments with you! While we are physically distancing, we are not alone.
It has been recognized that we have been experiencing grief globally. Initially, I had been so "on" and reactive to the COVID-19 crisis as it unfolded, not simply the constant media and fear based triggers, but the complex adaptations of kids home from school, clinic facility plans that needed to be researched, supported, and implemented and all the other wild challenges we've navigated...like finding toilet paper...that I wasn't taking time to slow, process, and tune into my feelings. I tend to be an over-functioner when stressed.
Once the dust settled a bit (kids in routine, office procedures in place, toilet paper supplied for now, screen/media limits implemented, etc), I felt deflated and tired...unmotivated and less "functional". I normally operate with a fair amount of efficiency, function, and efficacy. I had stopped being so busy that I could "hear" my body talking to me and with a brief pause, I was reminded of how I felt after my mom transitioned in 2017. Spent...my energy tank was empty. I came across an image from the book Power Vs Force that provided a visual of why I felt so low...grief is near the bottom of our feeling vibrations. When I recognized that I was, indeed, in deep grief, I moved toward accepting my state and situation...and in that moment, I felt a shift toward higher function and greater ability to participate.
Dr. Brene' Brown recently published an interview on her Podcast Unlocking Us with David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief that I found very affirming and insightful. Multiple articles have been published that also give voice to this shared experience of grief we're having. I am not alone in this experience. YOU are not alone in this. We are "in this" together.
One of the most important behaviors I've been leveraging to cope is to pause and name what I'm feeling while recognizing that I am NOT my feeling, but rather it is a valuable visitor here to bring me awareness. Often, when I sit with my feeling, I can ask it what it would like to bring me...behind it is a gift. Looking beyond my fear, I see the innate wisdom that wants to protect me from harm. As my Aunt Sandy would say "Fear, you may come along, but you do not get to touch the controls." I can say thank you for my grief, it tells me I see value in what I'm missing right now...be it people, my familiar routines and behaviors, what was...and points me to my values...towards gratitude for what IS, what I do have, not simply what I don't. I can appreciate and accept...elevating my participation toward function and well-being.
Notice you and your state of being. You have a responsibility to care for yourself. Be encouraged to stand in your sphere of influence to mirror health, hope, and courage. In the Power Vs. Force image, fear is just one rung above grief. We don't operate from our highest states when we're afraid. In fear, completely different hormones run through our bodies, creating different results than when we're accepting, appreciative, and operating from a place of Hope.
We can change our physiology by changing our thinking and connecting to the gifts our feelings bring us. Please consider your feelings and what gifts they provide.
The image below is a useful image reflecting how fear impacts our behaviors.
The impact of COVID19 is rippling far and wide...there is no way to truly distance and separate our lives from the current events. Our lives have changed and we are navigating some new terrain. The new challenges along with the many fears converging at once is tipping the scale for many. Finding ourselves overwhelmed and "threatened" puts our body into it's "fight, flight, freeze" state and reduces our ability to engage "well". WE CAN SHRINK THE OVERWHELM and engage with our innate brilliance for wise decision making. Intention and attention are our responsibility.
While I've assisted hundreds of women in creating their versions of the healthiest and happiest "self-maps", some of those "lands" have experienced a massive storm that has changed the ability to "navigate as usual". I liken it to "My world" being littered with debris to sort though and limbs down preventing the normally easy access to parts of my map. I'm reminded that exercising, reflecting, and learning coping skills vs panic will be the game-changer in how we treat ourselves and each other on our "map".
I heard a sweet distinction of what we're really being asked to do is PHYSICAL distancing...not social distancing. We ARE NOT ALONE in this and the isolation often felt in motherhood before this crisis our culture is navigating has been heightened to extremes for many.
We can practice scaling back; to turn the dial from the enormous big picture into what is manageable right now. We CAN shrink the overwhelm by tuning into where we ARE. Just NOW...recalling what matters most in the moments we're in and discerning what our next right step is. (Frozen 2 anyone?)
I recorded a call on Friday, March 20th to help with some of these perspectives and some self-coaching techniques that can help guide you as you discover a new "map" of what "your world" can look like. I referenced "Zooming in and out" like Google maps, but also how we approach our list of areas to tend to. We can change our approaches, we can change our expectations, and we can change the way we measure our progress.
I encourage you to give the recording a few moments, I am a little "rusty" using the tech that I did, but eventually got into a flow and the content may help you engage more efficiently and effectively in "your edited world".
My "Land of Lisa" still has much of the same areas I'm committed to "visiting" regularly, but the way I "touch" them looks a bit different right now.
I hope you'll give yourself reflective time with the worksheet to explore what matters to you, how you can imagine areas of your life healthy and well right now...and over the next few weeks/months. By developing a picture, you can more appropriately make decisions congruent to that vision AND notice more often that you ARE living in a way that you desire. We do not have to be victims of our circumstance, but rather developers of a new world we can be inspired to create.
I'm interested in your feedback and if you found this helpful. I plan to do some Facebook live videos to address and coach though some specific challenges some of the moms in "my world" are facing. Please tell me yours. We're in this together
My notes from a webinar I attended about how we can dial back to our present moment:
By stimulating the vagus nerve, we can create a qualitative difference in our nervous system (our interface for interpreting our world - internal and external)
We can orient to safety (internal - our safety is not "out there") by:
Completely FREE - NO EMAIL NEEDED
Contribute to the Pay It Forward Program; sessions are often given to moms who need the support but can't afford it right now.
Widely known for her passion, dedication and commitment to supporting the expression of potential, Lisa is famous for inspiring patients toward health, especially mothers. With more than 3 decades of service in chiropractic, she easily communicates the value of wisdom within. Her experience has been used to create a safe, effective, and reflective coaching model for mothers without the judgement, comparison, and crippling overwhelm that often inhibits change for families.
Let's connect on social