Motherhood:
The most incredible, hard, beautiful, exhausting, life-giving, depleting, refining, rewarding, and never opportunity to Love well.

While this was taken 10 years ago and everyone is taller than me now, it is still one of my favorite pictures. 

I hope you find gratitude today (and everyday) for being given this gift...this precious opportunity to experience Love so unconditionally; as a giver and receiver. 

Yes, it's hard, exhausting and refining in ways I would NEVER have asked for; I am so very thankful for all that they still teach me. When they're little itty bitties and you are the absolute favorite on the planet, it's physically demanding in ways you couldn't have prepared for. When they're growing up, preparing to leave you, it's emotionally challenging in ways that stretch you more...that "ring of fire" experienced in childbirth, that refining fire that is part of pushing new life into the world. 

Onward, Momma - whatever stage you're in; embrace it...so much easier than resisting it. Lean in, learn and allow yourSelf to become who YOU are designed to be in this role (and beyond). You got this...and I hope you can celebrate yourself today and everyday!

Presently, where am I?
Presently, what do I see?
In THIS moment, what is needed?
Do I need to move? Talk? Eat? Water? Touch? Solitude and quiet? Sleep and rest? Entertainment and laughter? Lightness and ease or depth and meaningful conversation (with my God, myself, or another)?

Often, I ask myself these questions to support myself in my daily living. As answers come, intuitively, I move toward them with curiousity...tell me more...show me how...

When I was a child, I counted on others to meet my needs, to show me what they are and how to meet them. My needs are my responsibility; I am a grown up and I desire to equip my kids with that skill. I have to walk my talk, model the behavior, be an example to others. Hear me, we are not an island and not meant to be alone...we need to cultivate healthy relationships that support those needs. 

I choose to notice where I am...I choose in THIS moment...and again the next...to return to the now, the present truth of what IS. As the waves of e-motion come that would take me too far forward or back, I notice them, let them be what they are, just a wave that passes. Where are my feet now? Still here.

It's messy these days. Life.

When the storms came in 2020, our respective worlds were shaken. What was a tidy-ish terrain that I was navigating, discovering, and shaping to fit my desires and current construct for the needs of the season I found myself in, in a flash, there were "trees down", bridges washed out and what were easily navigated paths connecting parts of "my world", now muddied and unclear. 

The isolation, shifting to online learning for my teenagers, racial reckoning, the political climate, the collective grief regarding the loss of so much and so many in the pandemic...not to mention the adaptive processes to safely navigate our livelihoods, pivoting so we can continue to serve our people...it is A LOT...a lot of work...and a LOT of perspective checking, processing, and receiving Grace for the moments we're in. 

We are in the thick of it still and YET, at the end of the day...take off those boots; put your feet up and breath deep; grateful that you can. A season will come when you can relish some barefoot moments, slippers and flip flops, but for now...we are called to work. Lace up those boots; you're stronger than you realize and "your world" needs your participation in not only surviving this challenging 2020-2021, it needs your attention to forging new paths, bridges, clearing the debris to shift and shape the terrain anew. This storm is still here...and you can solidly plant your feet to keep discovering, keep learning how you co-create the space you are LIVING on/in. Onward, Momma...

​There is work to be done.

In a recent Facebook Video, I shared some imagery that has been "on loop" for me.

When I labor, it's an intimate, powerful experience with my baby, my body, and my God. I recall laboring with my 3rd baby through the night of my daughter's 13th birthday. I drove a van full of teens to the bowling alley and a friend retrieved them so I could participate in laboring. 

My then teenage children invited friends to the birth and at after finishing a contraction, deep in my "zone", I raised my head to assess the room...who's here? everyone okay? we're all good?

At the end of my bed there were four 15 and 16 year old boys. When I saw them, I simply put my head back down and opted not to try connect with them...but rather return to where I could "do my work well".

The point of this share is to say that in this pandemic, I have respected my Land of Lisa (where I can engage well with my responsibilities and my people) and while periodically raising my head to view the changes taking place in the world, to stay informed, learn about what's going on and to make best choices for my work, myself, and my tribe. 

...and yet respecting my need to "do my work well"; I return to "my world", my contraction where I can participate. 

Maybe this imagery is helpful for you too...I'm interested in your thoughts.

I've said that I hung my cape up long ago...yet as I've learned to "live in the Land of Lisa", on my healthiest "map" **, I have moments that I observe as pretty darn super! Don't get me wrong, I cross those healthy boundaries and have moments that are less than stellar, but those are less frequent since discovering (and staying tethered to) ME at my healthiest. When I miss the mark, I learn and grow deeper into what is true for and in me.

My children have been my greatest teachers and as the years have gone by, I am more and more grateful for the lessons (and heartbreaking moments) they have provided...they have refined and shaped me.

For me, SuperMOM isn't doing ALL the things ALL the time. Rather, it's recognizing that I do some things right...I have intention for the greatest good and my attempts to right some wrongs in the world is a valuable contribution. Nobody expects the movie hero's to wear their capes all day and night. When people would call me "super mom", I would reject the name in an attempt to let their feeling of being less than super be normalized. I denied the cape...yet...I am super sometimes...and so are you!

My dear father in law once told me that if he had the opportunity to do it (parenting) all over again, he would just make different mistakes. Freedom, yes? We're doing what we can with what we've been given.

I beg you to please see your skills, notice what you do RIGHT and connect to your intentions. We miss so many of the moments that could increase our confidence and competence to act from our innate wisdom because we are distracted by what's wrong, what threats need to be addressed (often before they are a reality), and what gaps need to be filled. Centering in our wisdom can be as simple as a 1 minute meditation, deep breathing, a walk, or a talk with a friend...please see yourself as SUPER MOM. Not that you are perfect, but that you are someone's hero.

Each week, for now, I'm doing live calls on Fridays and one of the emphasis is regarding the physiological changes that happen when we are perceiving threat. We MUST tether to what is RIGHT, in us and "our worlds". Do, please, look in a mirror, see what is healthy in you...nourish her...and glimpse the moments that her cape can be seen. 

Very here for you.

Happy Mothers Day!
Lisa

**to learn how to create your "map", listen to the free session recording. Once your brain has imagery to operate from, you increase the amount of decisions congruent to that vision. 

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​The current events have been overwhelming for many. I am receiving coaching each week for my own well-being because I am, like you, also experiencing the stress of this odd story we're witnessing.

For the time being, I'm committed to making myself available each Friday at 12:30 PM EST for a FREE Coaching session using ZOOM.

Click this link: Zoom Meeting
Or log in using:
Meeting ID: 882 892 104
Password: 012684

If you missed the call from last month when our COVID-19 storm was really getting underway, the recording can be found on my website HERE.

Please join me on Fridays and invite a friend who could also use the support. I will share some self-coaching techniques, some tips, and will leave time to open the conversation for some actual coaching if anyone is willing to share their challenge. Our success in navigating this rapidly changing season we're in requires our resilience. I'm here to support yours!
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I look forward to sharing moments with you! While we are physically distancing, we are not alone. 

Be well,
Lisa

It has been recognized that we have been experiencing grief globally. Initially, I had been so "on" and reactive to the COVID-19 crisis as it unfolded, not simply the constant media and fear based triggers, but the complex adaptations of kids home from school, clinic facility plans that needed to be researched, supported, and implemented and all the other wild challenges we've navigated...like finding toilet paper...that I wasn't taking time to slow, process, and tune into my feelings. I tend to be an over-functioner when stressed. 

Once the dust settled a bit (kids in routine, office procedures in place, toilet paper supplied for now, screen/media limits implemented, etc), I felt deflated and tired...unmotivated and less "functional". I normally operate with a fair amount of efficiency, function, and efficacy. I had stopped being so busy that I could "hear" my body talking to me and with a brief pause, I was reminded of how I felt after my mom transitioned in 2017. Spent...my energy tank was empty. I came across an image from the book Power Vs Force that provided a visual of why I felt so low...grief is near the bottom of our feeling vibrations. When I recognized that I was, indeed, in deep grief, I moved toward accepting my state and situation...and in that moment, I felt a shift toward higher function and greater ability to participate. 

Dr. Brene' Brown recently published an interview on her Podcast Unlocking Us with David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief that I found very affirming and insightful. Multiple articles have been published that also give voice to this shared experience of grief we're having. I am not alone in this experience. YOU are not alone in this. We are "in this" together. 

One of the most important behaviors I've been leveraging to cope is to pause and name what I'm feeling while recognizing that I am NOT my feeling, but rather it is a valuable visitor here to bring me awareness. Often, when I sit with my feeling, I can ask it what it would like to bring me...behind it is a gift. Looking beyond my fear, I see the innate wisdom that wants to protect me from harm. As my Aunt Sandy would say "Fear, you may come along, but you do not get to touch the controls." I can say thank you for my grief, it tells me I see value in what I'm missing right now...be it people, my familiar routines and behaviors, what was...and points me to my values...towards gratitude for what IS, what I do have, not simply what I don't. I can appreciate and accept...elevating my participation toward function and well-being. 

Notice you and your state of being. You have a responsibility to care for yourself. Be encouraged to stand in your sphere of influence to mirror health, hope, and courage. In the Power Vs. Force image, fear is just one rung above grief. We don't operate from our highest states when we're afraid. In fear, completely different hormones run through our bodies, creating different results than when we're accepting, appreciative, and operating from a place of Hope.

We can change our physiology by changing our thinking and connecting to the gifts our feelings bring us. Please consider your feelings and what gifts they provide.

The image below is a useful image reflecting how fear impacts our behaviors.

Be well.
​Lisa
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The impact of COVID19 is rippling far and wide...there is no way to truly distance and separate our lives from the current events. Our lives have changed and we are navigating some new terrain. The new challenges along with the many fears converging at once is tipping the scale for many. Finding ourselves overwhelmed and "threatened" puts our body into it's "fight, flight, freeze" state and reduces our ability to engage "well". WE CAN SHRINK THE OVERWHELM and engage with our innate brilliance for wise decision making. Intention and attention are our responsibility.

While I've assisted hundreds of women in creating their versions of the healthiest and happiest "self-maps", some of those "lands" have experienced a massive storm that has changed the ability to "navigate as usual". I liken it to "My world" being littered with debris to sort though and limbs down preventing the normally easy access to parts of my map. I'm reminded that exercising, reflecting, and learning coping skills vs panic will be the game-changer in how we treat ourselves and each other on our "map". 

I heard a sweet distinction of what we're really being asked to do is PHYSICAL distancing...not social distancing. We ARE NOT ALONE in this and the isolation often felt in motherhood before this crisis our culture is navigating has been heightened to extremes for many. 

We can practice scaling back; to turn the dial from the enormous big picture into what is manageable right now. We CAN shrink the overwhelm by tuning into where we ARE. Just NOW...recalling what matters most in the moments we're in and discerning what our next right step is. (Frozen 2 anyone?)

I recorded a call on Friday, March 20th to help with some of these perspectives and some self-coaching techniques that can help guide you as you discover a new "map" of what "your world" can look like. I referenced "Zooming in and out" like Google maps, but also how we approach our list of areas to tend to. We can change our approaches, we can change our expectations, and we can change the way we measure our progress. 

I encourage you to give the recording a few moments, I am a little "rusty" using the tech that I did, but eventually got into a flow and the content may help you engage more efficiently and effectively in "your edited world". 

My "Land of Lisa" still has much of the same areas I'm committed to "visiting" regularly, but the way I "touch" them looks a bit different right now.

I hope you'll give yourself reflective time with the worksheet to explore what matters to you, how you can imagine areas of your life healthy and well right now...and over the next few weeks/months. By developing a picture, you can more appropriately make decisions congruent to that vision AND notice more often that you ARE living in a way that you desire. We do not have to be victims of our circumstance, but rather developers of a new world we can be inspired to create.  

I'm interested in your feedback and if you found this helpful. I plan to do some Facebook live videos to address and coach though some specific challenges some of the moms in "my world" are facing. Please tell me yours. We're in this together

UPDATED 3/27/2020
My notes from a webinar I attended about how we can dial back to our present moment:
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By stimulating the vagus nerve, we can create a qualitative difference in our nervous system (our interface for interpreting our world - internal and external) 
We can orient to safety (internal - our safety is not "out there") by:

• Breathing calmly and deeply
• Rubbing our neck, squeezing our arms, legs, head, press in, wrap up
• Be honest about how we are feeling and then "come home"/re-center
  • name how we're feeling (out loud)
  • affirm that our feelings are normal
  • even though I feel scared, I'm safe
  • even though I'm nervous, I'm safe
  • even though I feel ________, I'm safe
• MOVE - build in multiple times a day to move right now
• Stay connected to relationships that matter and nurture our well-being (honoring that we are ALL in this)
• Gargle
• Splash cold water on face, finish showers with cool water
• Engage with what intrinsic interests  
• See your chiropractor

Other points worth noting:

• We "borrow" from each others nervous system (I referenced mirror neurons in my call) - notice when activated so we can self-regulate
• We can notice, practice and model self-regulation to grow the skill and expand its impact
• The world is saying "hello" to our nervous system; we can keep coming back to our truths, our safety and be an external regulator for others

Completely FREE - NO EMAIL NEEDED

No, not everyone can relate to your specific troubles YET if we zoom out far enough, we can find the areas that we CAN connect and relate; where we come together for common good. It's in choosing LOVE and respect that we can change the trajectory of our culture. I am grateful for the past, the present and I remain hopeful for our future. We are a human race and the areas we choose to give our support matter. 

I choose to connect to what's right in us, what works, what we aspire to experience and how we desire to serve the greater good. Our experiences always seem to come back to perspective.

Healthy, wholehearted Life is a practice; a continuing to choose participation, growth, contribution, and to receive the sweet gifts that come through the moments where we put in the work. 

Onward, fellow boat mates...
In "it" with you,
Lisa
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Guest article written by Karen Weeks of www.elderwellness.net

Most of us moms do much more than just the job of parenting. We wear many different hats, and one role that some of us take on as we get older is that of caring for our aging parents. Sometimes that means you’re a 24/7 care provider, whereas others have one or both parents on our minds even if they’re living on their own or in a senior community. In all of these situations, the underlying thread is concern for our senior loved ones’ health and well-being.
 
When You Worry About Safety
 
One of the greatest health and safety concerns seniors face is the risk of falling. According to the National Council on Aging, about one in four adults over age 65 falls each year, and 20% of those falls result in serious injuries. No one wants their loved one to become injured, and these injuries often lead to seniors losing mobility or independence. As worrisome as this risk is, caregivers can play a major role in helping prevent falls. The best thing you can do is talk to your loved one about risk factors, such as whether any medications make them dizzy or whether loss of vision is a concern.
 
Your loved one’s overall health and well-being is another top concern. One of the hardest things you have to do as a caregiver is to recognize whether your loved one is able to stay safe and healthy living on their own. Unfortunately, seniors don’t always realize there’s a problem, or they may not say anything because they don’t want you to worry. This is why it’s so important to keep an eye out for signs that they’re struggling.
 
If you feel like your loved ones need some extra help, the easiest way to start exploring some options is to search online for assisted living centers nearby. Websites that specialize in helping you find assisted living are easy to use, and they’ll give you a feel for what options are out there and which facilities have the amenities and services you’re looking for. Some of these websites also suggest choosing an assisted living facility next to one of the area’s top hospitals—which, in Atlanta, include Northside Hospital and Emory University Hospital—so that your loved one receives quality care.
 
Helping Your Loved One Stay Active
 
Regardless of where your loved one lives, there’s a chance that they need a little extra encouragement to stay active. Physical activity is essential for older adults, but many seniors fear getting hurt or they simply lack the motivation. As a caregiver, one of the best things you can do is help them find opportunities for activity. Consider looking into senior fitness classes in your area and volunteer to drive them. Or you may even want to suggest an activity you can do together, such as walking a few days a week.
 
Providing Emotional Support
 
Along with staying physically active, another essential health need for seniors is to stay engaged in life. Because they no longer have roles like working or parenting, USA Today explains how many seniors suffer emotionally because they feel like they’ve become irrelevant. This is likely one reason why it’s common for seniors to have symptoms of depression, yet this is often overlooked and many don’t get the mental health care they need.
 
You can help by encouraging your loved one to get active in their community, whether that means volunteering or joining activities at their senior living center. Getting involved in something that gives them a sense of purpose is a great way to improve mental well-being. You can help even more by doing small things whenever you’re together, like asking for help with household chores they can manage or asking for advice.
 
As a wife, mother, employee or business owner…mamas have a lot of people counting on us. All of these roles are rewarding, but aren't always easy. Caring for senior loved ones is definitely a mixed bag, full of both joy and worry. These tips may not wipe away your worry, but hopefully they will help you give your loved ones what they need for a happy, healthy life.
 
Photo credit: Pixabay
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