Today we shopped for a few new things, but the best gift we found was the value of acknowledgement and perspective. My youngest daughter is just 9, and while still our "little girl", she's navigating the social challenges that equip her to become a young woman. Hormones are signaling for changes, not even noticeable unless you're looking for those signs of growth...and as one of the youngest of her peers because of her summer birthday, she's waiting and watching.

As we pulled into the parking lot, she shared that she REALLY likes her shirt; its feel, the colors, design, and message. Her smile as she told me was confident and didn't question if the shirt "looked good" or was "flattering". She wasn't comparing nor concerned if others would like her shirt. As we shopped, two kind women in the store told her that they really like her shirt. She beamed. "Me too, thank you" she said with a knowing and grateful grin.

When we know what we love, embrace and feel gratitude for it, we show up differently. People see us, the Real us. How often, as women, do we miss...or more often, dismiss, the acknowledgment or compliment? 

Wouldn't it be powerful if we identify what we LOVE and not need others to see it, but could simply show up empowered.

...for now though, as we practice...let's see it for each other...see eyes light up, shoulders straighten... when you see a necklace that you think is lovely, SAY SO. A new haircut, a smile, someones eyes, their kind words...see them and tell them. Our sisters need to be seen and affirmed. We can do this for eachother...for ourselves and a world that aches to be Real. Will you practice receiving the kind acknowledgement and say "me too, thank you" instead of dismissing what you love? Let the 9 year old in you become what she loves: adorn what strikes a chord in YOUR heart. You'll see yourself differently...and so will others. 

We need the reflection of each other. It's a critical part of growing up healthy...and we're all still growing. 

We can't see what we don't see and can't learn what we think we already know.

I've been in a season where I'm called to support someone who, quite literally, can't see as well as they could in the past. At first, there is incredible compassion as we navigated how to put the support in place to keep the plates spinning that fell to them to spin. Too often, too quickly, a plate wobbled and it was clear that the responsibility needed to shift. Responsibility as in Response Able...able to respond. 

I have reflected on the reverse too..it's tricky, isn't it? As a mother, I respond, I'm able...and then what sometimes feels like eternity and at other times seems like a blink, now the kids are beginning to "be able" too. They've watched, they've learned, right? They can't know what they don't know...there will be feedback that comes in many forms to teach them far more than we can. Much of it costs confidence, doesn't it? Better though, it can GROW the confidence so that the expression of the wisdom they're gaining is more fully expressed. It still happens to us everyday too. As time presses on, we learn that we still have a lot to learn. Darn good thing we don't birth a driving 16 year old, right?!? Or that our company has steps in place for growth rather than a demand we can't fill.

Dr. Mary Flannery of The Art Of Story Project says in her recent post  "Learn to LOVE feedback. Especially negative feedback. Feedback shines a light into the areas we cannot see. Valuable feedback can come from friends, colleagues, strangers and even those we actively dislike." Breakdown in the feedback loop leads to isolation. Isolation leads to dis-ease and dysfunction. We all need the feedback. Far better if we can love it, yes?

Not one child (nor business with authentic expression) has come with a manual despite the acres of books that offer wisdom, insight, tips, tricks and tools to becoming a "good parent". Learning is definitely part of this story, yes? Learning to share the journey and embracing how the challenge is growing us is a critical part of becoming the kind of parent (and business leader) our children need. They need us to expand what we know just like we need them to learn more about the processes they're beginning to explore.

In the same post, she goes on to tell us "Get a coach. There is no substitute for a thoughtfully engaged third party who is able to tell you what you cannot see on your own. Nearly every great performer has had a consistent relationship with someone who tells them the truth, good, bad and ugly." Such wise words that we can all learn from. For me, coaching has altered the trajectory of my life.

Once upon a time, our villages came equipped with aunties and neighbors to safely walk with; those women could be that safe reflection for mothers. Flash forward to today and the need is potentially even more critical. Blogs, articles and social media can help us to know that "hard, real life" goes on "out there" too. We know we're not alone and that other mothers share this story with us. Those resources can affirm that we're not "the only ones", but the "out there" reflection lacks intimacy. We will thrive when we can access true reflection of OUR situation. 
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Let's be known. Be it in the personal, professional, spiritual, financial, or physical realm, there are people to offer intimate, healthy reflection. We all have a lot to learn. 

It matters. Get it out. Do. Let yourself cry, yell, and even hit. Maybe it's your feet hitting the pavement on a run, or a punching bag, your bed, or a good scream in the car alone. Recently after dropping a child off, I found myself making primal sounds that sounded like labor as I allowed myself to experience some emotional pain. If my car windows had been open and anyone had heard me, they would've definitely worried. 

When we don't acknowledge what we're experiencing and how it feels, we're denying a powerful part of our existence. When we deny our existence, we're using Life giving storage space in our bodies to "hold" those experiences. 

​The next moments are compromised with less of us available to "show up". If we've denied our processing, we miss the lessons that result from "doing the work".

When Life hurts, say "ouch". Feel it, cry if you have to, but do what you need to for healing. (forgive?) Now dry your eyes...the next moment is already here and you're needed...and wiser.  ​