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Free Call 3/31 8:30PM EST

3/28/2016

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     We know what it feels like when we're "off the map" of who and where we want to be ...and so do our kids. They know when we feel weak, uncertain, scared, and exhausted by the immense tasks and pressures of what we're facing. From our perspective, it's yucky ...from theirs, it can be very frighting. When we feel overwhelm, it ripples and becomes a burden on them too. When we feel like life is "too much" and that we're incapable of "DOing it", they learn that life is just simply too hard...and that doesn't grow healthy, capable people in our culture. That grows victims of circumstance, anger, resentment, sadness, and apathy because "it's too much" to deal with.

THERE IS HOPE to do it differently. I've watched it happen many times over.

     When we mother from the best version/ vision of ourselves because we've identified WHO and where that is, we teach our kids to become THEIR best versions of who they are. It even gives the people in our sphere of influence encouragement, perspective, and honestly, it also gives them permission to become healthier, higher functioning expressions of THEIR potential.

     WE CAN show up with healthy perspective. We can participate with necessary changes and we do experience the fruits of our labor in due time. Just like having a baby; there is process, there is progress, there is help and there is reward. 

     There is still time to join next OptiMOM Coaching FREE call THIS Thursday, March 31 at 8:30PM EST. Register below and please share with the mommies "in your world" so you experience greater health & well being in your community...and your kids grow with up other kids who are also given role models to be their optimal expressions of themselves..

THERE IS HOPE to do it differently. I've watched it happen many times over.

     When we mother from the best version of ourselves, we teach our kids to become THEIR best versions of who they are. It gives the people in our sphere of influence encouragement, perspective, and even permission to ALSO become healthier, higher functioning expressions of THEIR potential.

     WE CAN show up with healthy perspective. We can participate with necessary changes and we do experience the fruits of our labor in due time. Just like having a baby; there is process, there is progress, there is help and there is reward. 

     There is still time to join next OptiMOM Coaching FREE call THIS Thursday, March 31 at 8:30PM EST. Register below and please share with the mommies "in your world" so you experience greater health & well being in your community...and your kids grow with up other kids who are also given role models to be their optimal expressions of themselves..

Register NOW
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"She trusts your love the most" he told her.

3/22/2016

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I was probably just 13 when the therapist told my mother that my behavior was directed to her largely because I believed she would still "love me" even if I acted like an ass. She clung to that as I rebelled and rejected her. She clung to that as I went on my way and was released to make choices outside of her plans for me, her hopes and desires for my life. As a teenager, I went so far off the trajectory she worked hard to create for me.

I came back. I never once doubted that she loved me...I don't imagine I ever will. 

In my own motherhood, I've held tight to "he trusts my love the most" when my own seemingly "rejects me" and what I extend. It's not me, it's not personal.

Rather, like me, some of them need to fly a bit further from the nest...and hopefully, like I experienced, they'll trust it's still there.

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Gracefully Doing the Detour Dance

3/15/2016

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Edits are a normal part of a mother's day. While some needs and demands are known in advance, there are always the "surprises" that call us to respond and detour. The tricky part is to do the detour dance gracefully. For instance, I had planned to write this last week while kids were in school...and for a variety of reasons, they took turns NOT being in school. I crossed off the "appointment" I had made with myself last week and moved it to yesterday. Yesterday, a Monday, the "plan" was that 3 of my kids would be at school...and yet...a detour. Instead of making the appointment I had with my computer, I had 2 kids at the doctor. One with pink eye and the other to confirm his ankle wasn't broken. Detours.

Even as I write, the 15 year old came to me to announce symptoms of what I suspect will be diagnosed as strep. A detour we took 2 weeks ago with his younger brother....and from what I hear, many families at the school they attend are also taking this same detour. Isn't it fascinating how Life provides the opportunities to "practice" what we preach / teach...sometimes subtly, other times, with bold and loud reminders. What had I JUST written about being graceful? I'm reminding myself that I'm open to edits and that I'm CHOOSING what to participate with and WHEN. 

There are times when the appointments, errands, tasks, and plans get edited because of opportunities to play, to linger longer with a neighbor, to add a favorite client to the afternoon, or to choose a meal that requires more time than originally planned. These detours I tend to have more Grace for. Long lines, traffic, flat tires or strep, it doesn't come as easily. 

Like you, I'm busy. For me to maintain a level of efficiency, I've found that when my day ends it's helpful for me to reflect on what was and wasn't done, Rather than seeing the undone as a negative, I cross those things off the list too, While it feels good to have a sense of what was, in fact accomplished, it's helpful for me to have a sense of what's left. I don't beat myself (or anyone else) up, but rather, I take a moment to hold it up to my life, to decide if it fits. If it does, WHERE and WHEN does it fit? I take a moment to move it there. It doesn't serve me to have it still on "today's" list if today is over, right? Sometimes, I decide that a task isn't important enough to get my energy and attention...or maybe it's not even MY task to be doing. Often, I have to return to accepting and participating in the seasons we're in. Some tasks are trickier in certain seasons than others. I'm keeping the appointment I made with myself to write today. Next, I'll make the appointment for the strep test...and make it to the dentist w/ a few kids later this afternoon.

At the end of the day, I'll do my review and cross it all off today's list. I'm interested to see how it unfolds. I know there will be Grace enough and that I'll have the opportunity to choose it. 

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3 x 20 min = CHANGE

3/4/2016

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1 Hour of Self - Coaching to
Activate the Changes YOU Desire
by Lisa Engle, OptiMOM Coaching
 
Congratulations on taking a powerful step toward living a life that more closely resembles YOUR desires. Based on years of coaching, I recognize that the most effective method for lasting change comes from genuine and introspective exploration. While many clients set out with a hope of being “told what to do”, I’ve watched the power they were trying to give me be reclaimed for their personal goals to become a reality.

The following is a simple template that can catapult your progress toward making the shifts in your current reality align to your desires. For starters, please find a notebook you’ll enjoy using and a favorite pen or pencil. Carve out a time and place that you can relax into and allow yourself to fully commit to the processes. You’ll need to take 20 minutes a day for 3 days and at the end, you’ll have a tangible step to make that will pull you forward. The work doesn’t need to be 3 consecutive days…spread it out if it’s helpful. YOU know the pace you need. I trust you. A healthy tension will generate enough power to keep you moving without overwhelm that will halt the process.

Day 1: 
To get to the action step on day 3, let’s begin getting a sense of where you, ultimately, want it to take you. Set a timer for 20 minutes and finish the statement "I want __________________” with a description of what YOU when you are expressing your optimal well-being looks like. Write down statements that resonate within you, which bubble up from inside your well, your innate guidance. 

Think about things like:
What does your best self eat and drink? What do you love listening to? What are you wearing? How do you enjoy moving and being active? What is the tone of your voice? How do you FEEL? Do you have an art that is expressed or a voice that is heard? How do you spend your time? Who do you associate with? What do you do for fun? Do you see your smile? What put it there? What are you DOing and BEing? 

Too often, moms can tell me what their best versions don't look like. (not yelling, not impatient, not sloppy, not overweight, not tired, not binging on tv, wine, etc) Instead, give words and images to identify what YOU at YOUR BEST can be like and desire to be like. Don’t judge what surfaces…simply let it come. Many of us have lost pieces of ourselves, buried under the needs and wants of so many others (and the schedule, laundry, dishes, etc). This picture is a work in progress. You can edit it ANYTIME. We are being refined by what we experience and learn every day, this picture of you is no different. It’s not going to be hung on a wall for the public to see; it’s a private exploration and the wisdom in you can be trusted.
When the 20 minutes is up, allow yourself to linger if there is more coming. More will come. Notice when it does so you can revisit and refine this picture as it does.

Day 2: 
Allow a minimum of 10 minutes to review what you wrote and edit to make the picture of yourself more clearly understood and known…by YOU. Notice what you described that might be your sister, mother, neighbor, co-worker, and classmate. Keep in mind, this is YOU you're describing. Cross things out that aren't "you", BOLD the things that are. Underline and circle, NOTICE yourself and recognize what your heart is telling you about this awesome and amazing woman you just described…AKA (your name).

Next spend ONLY 10 minutes detailing a new list titled “want to change”. In this list, identify what areas of your current life expression, habits, lifestyle and behaviors do not support the vision of your life.  What areas would you like to see change and improve? Make your descriptions as detailed as possible so that you become more aware of your behaviors as you move through your day.
After you create this list, you will begin to recognize behaviors that are counterproductive or give you feedback about what you "really want" for your best self. Remember that you can edit the work you did on Day 1 at ANYTIME. Notice the feedback you’re getting, its research; DO NOT judge regarding your daily choices, observe them. This is a critical perspective to remember. If you have to, write it on your hand, tape to your mirror, and use sharpie at the top of your pages. It’s RESEARCH. It's all good.

Day 3: 
At the end of these four 5 minute exercises you’ll have a step that will pull you toward your desires. Congratulations on taking the time to invest in yourself!
It’s time to review what you want to change and choose the priority.
Set your timer again, this time for just 5 minutes. Review your "want to change" list from day 2 and identify how ready you are to make these changes. On a scale of 1 - 10, 10 being COMPLETELY READY to create the change. Please be honest; recognizing your readiness will help you determine how slow or fast you’ll be ready to attempt your changes.  Honoring process is a key factor that will influence your success. 

Next, choose your priority. What 1 area are you most ready to do differently? Write this at the top of a blank page, giving it a name that describes what you want the change to look like. 

Reset your timer, again for 5 minutes. On your paper, finish the following sentences under the title you’ve chosen.

• I want to experience this change because _________________________________________________
• When I begin to make this change, it'd be helpful if __________________________________________
• In the past, I have learned that I'm good at ___________________ and I can use that skill to leverage my success in this area.

Your next 5 minutes is to brainstorm 10 actions that would support the change you're looking for. Brainstorming is NOT creating your to-do list, it's like creating a menu. This is often more effective in a group or with another person so that ideas can be tossed around.

The last 5 minutes is to review your "menu" and find 1 thing to be your action step toward change. Turn this step into a SMART goal for yourself and identify any sub-steps that will be required to attain it.  If you struggle with the word "goal", try substituting "intentional action".  Take a moment to observe what you already have to make this step a reality. Consider what obstacles may present that would interfere with your success and strategize a way to remove or work around those challenges.

Now you’re moving! In the same way that we set out to the kitchen to take care of the dishes, we often take care of a few other things, right? Rarely do we ONLY do the dishes. You'll notice that the simple process of creating movement will generate more energy. It feels radically different when our "work" is our choice rather than something we "have to" do. You will see yourself begin to move in the direction of your intention. Let your desires PULL you toward change. Step by step, it’ll happen.
While change often doesn’t match the picture we originally “see” in our mind, it is more often than not, it’s an even better version. As you take your steps, recognize them as deposits in your personal bank account of power and self-confidence.  There will be obstacles, learn to re-frame them to be refining moments, bringing out the best in you and learning tools to better know the “not best” in you that still needs attention.  
When you see your steam running low (that excitement about healthy change) revisit the "why" you value these changes and choose again to make (and commit to) goals.  It might be that it’s time to refine the picture...did you outgrow it?  Is it time for a new set of changes? Start the process again and keep moving to your optimal expression, trusting the process and timing along the way.

I believe in your potential. I know you CAN achieve healthy change and as a certified health coach, I am here to help.
 
If you found this work helpful, I hope you’ll share the resource with others. We not only are worth taking care of, we have a responsibility to it.
 
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    Contribute to the Pay It Forward Program;  sessions are often given to moms who need the support but can't afford it right now.

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    Lisa Engle

    Widely known for her passion, dedication and commitment to supporting the expression of potential, Lisa is famous for inspiring patients toward health, especially mothers. With more than 3 decades of service in chiropractic, she easily communicates the value of wisdom within. Her experience has been used to create a safe, effective, and reflective coaching model for mothers without the judgement, comparison, and crippling overwhelm that often inhibits change  for families.
    ​To learn more about Lisa's work and contact her, please poke around the website.

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