When I first began this practice for myself, I could quickly and easily identify my “NOT MY BEST MOMENTS” (off the map of me at my best). Practicing intentional observation, usually with patience and Grace, I began to ask myself how those “not best moments” could have been “on my map”. Because learning and growing is on my map, the observation of “not my best” began to shift to be another lesson, feedback, insight and reminder of where I desire change to take place. Instead of being “outside” the boundaries or off the grid, I welcomed the moment as a gift that elevated my awareness. I began to enjoy "my map", realizing that I AM living a life I desire to live. Phew...what Peace I can embody with that awareness. Often, there needed to be an apology to myself or another because the behavior I had observed as “not my best” contradicted what I knew was kind, loving, patient, etc…all those qualities I hope to bring to my part of the planet.
Driving one of my sons to school, reviewing the list of “did you do this that and the other?”, I found myself frustrated and using a tone of voice I wouldn’t want to be talked to in. I know that my frustration largely stemmed from my own list of responsibilities that morning; from neglecting to plan well, adapt to and negotiate the unexpected, and prioritize the wants and needs of the day. All too quickly, we were at the front of the carpool line and it was time for him to get out. Ouch, wait, I just dumped on him...shoot…I'm sorry...another morning feedback session. Bless that kid who received my apology during the car ride home that afternoon and forgave me. He also seemed to have been able to have a great day despite my attitude and we chatted about how we don't have to take on someone else's "bad moments". What if my "not best moment" actually facilitated one of my better ones? So then was it a "bad moment" after all? That morning car ride made room for one where we talked about, extended and received Grace
Throughout the day, moment to moment, life season to life season, shifts take place that can engage and grow us. Especially as mothers, we spin a lot of plates, having so many areas we are dedicated and desire to give ourselves to. When we create order, anticipate needs, and what unfolds looks different that the "plan", we must edit and adapt. This is Life. Shifting into new growth can be uncomfortable (labor transition, anyone?) yet bring the next level of awareness and participation.
That statement alone covers volumes of thought and years of living…there is Grace enough.
What was your best moment last week?