Because my mother was a midwife, I knoew labor could be painful. I was raised watching birth videos while she was in the midwifery program at Emory and in fact, had watched her give birth to my little sister. Laboring with my 1st born, the nurses said "honey, don't you want something?" I thought they were offering me an ice tea or soda...drugs were simply not on my radar. I knew I had what I needed to "do this hard work"...and yet, it WAS HARD....so has been raising him...and releasing him.
I couldn't have known how far deep in the well I'd go to birth that boy nor that I'd need to dip that deep again and again and again. Parenting is STILL the most challenging and most beautiful, the most painful and most miraculous opportunity I've been faced with. Still, nearly 34 years later after experiencing that birth, I am learning about my strength and facing my fears. I still return to the knowing the depth in me required to participate well.
You're not alone...and deep in the well, you're not alone there either. You'll see the light of day, you can trust that...and you'll likely dip deep again if you're being honest and not taking the "something" that will keep you from really experiencing the depth of the challenges you're facing; you'll see God in the well...you'll experience a wisdom IN YOU, coming through you that you couldn't have seen without your willingness to go "there."
Onward, momma - experience that strength, face those fears.
"Don't you want something?"
No thanks - I have that Something, I have what I need IN ME to do this.